Life Without Him
by MarcelDark
Summary: COMPLETE After the events of HelloGoodbye, Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan. Very dark and angstful.
1. Heart Broken

   **Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N:** This is a very dark and angstful fic, the first time I try this kind of fic so I hope you guys enjoy it, it's a way I found to show my insatisfaction towards the whole S2 but specially Max's behavior.

Chapter 1: Heart Broken 

 *****

      A black motorcicle speeds through the lonely streets of post-pulse Seattle, breaking the curfew and a dozen traffic laws, but it's rider, a young and very attractive brunette, couldn't care less. Max rides her Ninja in Sector 9, her destination, Fogle Towers. She reaches the building and uses the elevator to get to the Penthouse, there she stops in front of a big wooden door, hesitant for a moment, //It has been a week since that fateful night, the night I lied to Logan, and we haven't talked or saw each other, not even briefly, since then. When I left him he was in a pretty bad shape and when I told him that, he was devastaded, I couldn't bare to look at his eyes and watch the light in them fading, so I left. But now I have to see him, just to make sure he is fine and all. I wonder if he will be in his computer room, as unusual, tiping furiously and elegantly in the keyboard, making all his computers busy helping the downtrodden, or maybe he will be in the kitchen, savoring his collection of pre-pulse wine, cooking another culinary miracle that he and only him can make.\\.

After a moment of thinking she finally makes her mind and bents down to pick the lock, job done she goes inside the penthouse noiseless. But inside it's dark and silent, there's no sound of tiping in the keyboard, no humming of the computers, no clash of pottery and pans...only a ruling silent. 

      Max goes to his kitchen, and no sign of Logan. She then goes to his computer room and as well, no Logan, the computers are off, just like all the lights, in the corner she spots the exoskeleton, looks like it was thrown off carelessly, and there it was left. Max realizes that he may not be home so she gets out of the office and goes the way back, out of the penthouse, but before she reaches the door a deep but weak voice makes her stop,

"Why are you back Max?",

she spins around and sees him there, sitting in his wheelchair, in front of the big window, staring at the dark city,

"I thought you were out.",

she repplies while slowly steping towards him,

"No, I haven't been out of this apartment for a long time, but why are _you_ here?",

he says, in the end his voice growing kind of...angry.

"I had to see you.",

Max answers him with a low like whisper voice. He laughs a dead, dark laugh and says,

"See me, huh, why? Is there anything else to tell me? You want to see if there's anything left of my heart for you to break? Or maybe you just want more help, what's it, cash, documents, information, a search? After all that's all I'm good for you, when thing get hot and you or your transgenics need help you run to me, but anything else and you run _from _me.",

his voice is high and filled with anger now, he is still facing the window but he is stiffed and tense, 

"Logan..."

Max, shocked, tries to reply, but he keeps going and interrupts her,

"No Max, go away, there's nothing else here for you, you have done enough damage to a single person, there's nothing left of my heart, you broke it completely, little by little and then with a final devastating blow.",

she is near him now, reaching her hand out hesitantly, she's shocked and devastated, not only are his words harsh but true, she tries talking to him, but her mind is fogged and her throat closed, words are hard to get out and all her will is focused on retaining the hot tears threatening to fall, 

"Lo...Logan...I'm...sorry, listen to me.",

Logan spins his chair around to face her, his eyes are swollen and bloodshot, his cheeks tears strained, his clothes torn and stinking, and he smells of alcohol. His red eyes shine with anger and he shouts,

"GET OUT!",

he takes a few deep breaths and sink back in his chair, his eyes are now sad and devastated, totally the opposite from the normal, there's no glistering in the blue depths, now they're more like gray clouds, his arms hung from his sides, he is the picture of a ruined man, and now with a sad and weak voice he continues,

"Go away Max, don't make me even more miserable, I'm already completely ruined. I loved you Max, with all my being, but you only used me, you took advantage of my love and used me, everything I was to you was a helping hand, you must have thanked god for the virus and Gossamer, they were excuses for you to be away from me. In the end our quid pro cuo never ended, but recently it became a one way road, I help you with every little thing and you give me nothing. Huh, how fool was I, I really thought you could think of me of more than a cripple, I thought you, the genetically engineered beauty, the perfect human being, could love me, a pathetic excuse for person, a broken shell....a cripple.",

every word pierces her like a knife, her eyes, full of tears, are just like her mind, fogged, the only thing she can focus are his words, repeating like a mantra in her mind, torturing her for it's cruel reality. She makes a feeble attempt to talk to him, but words are to much of a effort and her voice is almost a whisper,

"No...Logan...listen..."

he spins back to face the window, and slowly wheels a few feet away from her,

"Max, go away....You ended my life, you killed me slowly and painfully, using the most cruel method of torture, you are poison Max, poison."

Max closes her eyes and let the tears fall, they flow like rivers and with them goes her energy, she collapses to the ground and crawl to the corner, she hugges her legs and stays there rocking and sobbing, his words running all over again through her mind, she tries to scream,

"NO LOGAN NO!!!",

but it's no use, he is gone. She is engulfed in darkness now and only one thing remains, a sick chaint in the deepest of her mind, 

Poison, poison, you're poison, Max you're poison, poison Max....poison...

**TBC...**

 *****

**OBS:** // \\, means Max's thoughts.

**OBS2:** I hope everybody enjoyed my dark inspiration, but it's only the beginning of my twisted and cruel fic, so let's all review then the next chapter will be out sooner. And one thing, don't jump to conclusions...:D


	2. Shattered Life

   **Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N: **So here it's, the second chapter to my angstful fic, I think that now all the questions that the first chapter created will be answered. And I _know _that Logan was out of character in the last chapter, but now you will all see why. And this WILL NEVER become a M/A fic, that's just plain disgusting. And for Rajana: I can understand why you hate me, if I was the one reading I would too, and in this chapter you will hate me even more, but I just ask you to follow the story 'till the end that I can asure you it will be worth it :D.

Chapter 2: Shattered Life 

*****

Max jumped from bed, covered in sweat and panting, the white bed sheets clunging to her wet skin, her big brown eyes wide open with a look of fear, confusion and desesperation, the awful dream that woke her from her slumber still fresh and painful in her mind, making her confused and dizzy. She glances around and realizes she is in her room, it's still dark outside so darkness surrounds her, she notices the red glow of her bedside watch, its digital numbers showing that it's still three in the morning. 

Max slowly rises from her bed and heads towards the tiny bathroom, she opens the sink and washes herself with some cold water, she rises her head to meet her reflection in the mirror, she is beautiful as always, but still visibly different, her skin is pale and there are dark circles beneath her eyes. Max stares at her reflection and start regressing to the dream, no...nightmare, a dark and cruel nightmare that woke her so aggressively. It looked so real yet so unreal, Logan would never say those things to her, not like that, the sensations, the feelings, they were real and convincing, but the speech wasn't something Logan-like, it was more like her conscience trying to say her something, the reality of her actions crushing her like a fly, and the deadly words coming from the person she loves the most, her worst fear that Logan would hate her for all the cruel and wrong things she has been doing to him coming true in the wonderland.

After a moment of reflection Max makes a decision, she is going to pay a visit to Logan, this dream has shaken her deeply and some sick feeling in the pit of her stomach is bothering her constantly, this dream was a good thing after all, making her realize that she must say some things to Logan, avoid turning this dream into reality. With a strong resolve, Max puts some pants and grabs her jacket and bike's keys, quickly hoping on her bike she makes her way towards Fogle Towers faster then any normal human. From down below she can see through his windows that his apartment is dark, but there's nothing unusual in that considering it's the middle of the night. Max decide to get in through the skylight so she makes her way up the building across the street and from there takes a dive to Logan's building, landing softly and graciously. From the skylight she drops her rope and slowly gets inside the dark penthouse apartment. Thanks to her night vision she can easily make out her way through the darkness. The apartment is not only dark but completely silent, there's no slight noise, making even her cat light steps produce some dull sound in the hardwood floor.

She goes to his kitchen and looks around, there're a few empty bottles of scotch lying around the kitchen counter, empty and used glasses in the sink, spilled liquid, probably scotch, in the floor, basically it's a mess, a very rare thing in Logan Cale's home. Walking through the hallway Max spots a broken vase in the floor and a thick bottle of scotch lying in the floor, it was probably thrown agains the plastic walls of the office, where there's now a big crack, the bottle only intact by luck. In the living room, the couch is upside down and the coffe table has lots of empty or half empty glasses of liquor, the chess set is on the ground with the pieces all over the living room.

Max goes to Logan's room, where the door is closed, slowly she opens it and peeks inside, it's dark, but she can make out the bed sheets are torn and the pillows in the ground, but there's something missing, Max frenetically opens the door completely and get inside Logan's room, she looks around, in the bed, in the bathroom, but nothing....no sign of Logan.

Intrigued, she goes back to the living room, there she stops for a moment in front of the window to think, confused by the scene in Logan's apartment, she begins to wonder where he is, how he is. If he is out and left the apartment in this condition, why did he do that and more importantly, where did he go to, in what condition is he, million of questions without answers. //Maybe he got so mad that he went out with Asha, she would be more then willing to confort him...in bed, and if that happened it's because I looked for it, after all I'm the one that lyed to him, that pushed him away, I didn't give him anything to keep him here, he would only be right to go after a regular girl, someone like him. But, considering the state of the apartment maybe he was taken from here by force, maybe White found him and came after him, maybe he is dead, or worst, prisioner in some facility being tortured...because of me. That dream...maybe that dream has something to do with it, maybe he got in big trouble because of me.\\, a whirlwind of thoughts dominating Max's mind, her expression from confusion turns to sadness, anger...guilt.

She decides to go to the computer room to look for some clue of what could have happened here. Just as she crosses the door to the computer room she stops dead in her tracks, the sick feeling in her stomach hits her full time and a bad feeling keeps anannoying ticking in her mind. The smell of alcohol is everywhere in the room, the computers are all off, the computer chair is turned facing the computer, there are broken things laying around and a mess of papers and documents in the counters. Max approuches the computer chair slowly, somehow she has a feeling that something is wrong here, carefully she reaches for the chair and slowly start turning it. When she sees what is there she trips a few steps back and collapses down and burying her face in her hands she starts sobbing convulsively. The worst thing that could ever happen, her worst nightmare, that's what lies in that chair....Logan's dead body.

TBC...

** *******

OBS: // \\ means Max's thoughts.

OBS2: So that is it, the second chapter to this dark fic, you may think that I'm evil and sadistic, but there's still lots of angst and tragedies to come and sometimes...things are not like they look like.


	3. Cruel Reality

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N: **Okay so on with my torture, here's chapter 3, I hope everyone is enjoying it, send me reviews so I can know what u people think about it, I can assure you that I read every single one of them and take all in acount.

Chapter 3: Cruel Reality 

*****

Max  is sitting on the floor of Logan's penthouse apartment, in the door of his computer room, sobbing frenetically and uncontrollably. In front of her is a computer chair, in it...a dead body. The body is slumped over the chair, almost falling off, dressed in boxers shorts, which reveals the lack of a exoeskeleton, and a crumped white shirt, dirty and stinking. In the right hand a .44 magnum revolver, not the same gun Logan used to have but a higher caliber one, in the left hand some kind of paper, but the most visible horrenduous thing is the face, completely blown off, his amazing blue orbs are gone, no more light shining in its depths, no more ocean pools full of feelings and sentiments....no more life.

After what felt like hours of crying and screaming - "NO LOGAN!!NO, IT CAN'T BE, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! PLEASE NOT THIS, IT'S NOT TRUE, PLEASE!!!LOGAN, NO!!!!" - Max finally quieted down, her closed eyes swollen and her face red and tearstained, her body drained of all the energy, it flowed with her tears. Max dizzily stands up, using the wall to help, she slowly opens her eyes, seeing this morbid scene she immediately turns around bringing her hand to her mouth and letting a sob escape. After a few moments she finally gets the courage and turns around, kneeling down in front of the computer chair Max analyzes her surroundings, realizing the paper in his hands she hesitantly gets it, she examines it and see that it's a picture, a picture of her, it's a picture taken on Bennet's weeding, Max is wearing that wonderful dress, standing next to Logan, one hand on his shoulders and a smile playing on her lips, their eyes locked exchanging thousands words and feelings, truths not ready to be told and reality fiercely denied, the picture must have been took from one of the photographers and Logan must have acquired it seeing how Max had no idea of its existance. There's a folded paper attached to the picture, Max unfoldes it and see that it's a message written on Logan's handwriting.

_Dear Max,_

_I believe, or at least hope, that you will be the one that finds me, and this letter, first. I have so much to say, things that can't even be put into words, things that are supposed to be said face to face. But there's a few things that I will say here anyway, first of all...I love you, I have always loved you and have been falling deeper and deeper every single moment I spend with you, I would do anything and everything if it brought us together, I never gave up on you, on us, even after all the dark and rough paths we crossed. I must confess that I didn't believe you could ever get to love me the way I am...a cripple, I have always tried hard to find a way to stand once again, I was delusional, thinking my legs were the most important thing I had, when in reality my most precious thing is you, I had to lose you for months to finally realize that. When you got back I thought you would be finally able to confess things we should have said ages before, but just as quickly as I got you I lost you, again. I thought we would stick together, and together overcome this virus just like we did with plenty of other obstacles, but you were different, you were different than the Max I met and knew for a yeat, the Max I learned to admire, the Max I falled for. You gave up easily, you broke my heart, hurt my feelings over and over again. I always wondered what happened to the Max I knew, I hoped that you would come back to your old self, but it didn't happened, after this last week you finally convinced me that your love for me, if such thing ever existed, extinguished...._

_And I also want to tell you that...I am sorry. I am sorry for giving up, I am sorry for all the time we lost dancing around each other, I am sorry for the times I pushed you because of my thick head and ego, I am sorry for being so chicken that I have to express these so highly important feelings to you written on a piece of paper, but I was never good at opening myself for someone, at bearing my hear and emotions.  I am sorry we couldn't work out and finally I am sorry for doing what I am about to do, but there's nothing left for me to live for, after all I was already dead, I died when you dropped that bomb in me, I lived through a week like a zombie, I was a lifeless shell, without feelings and emotions, but now I am going to end my mysere. I'm sorry Max, don't you ever forget that even after everything, I still love you...I died loving you._

_Forever Yours_

_Logan Cale_

By the end of the letter tears are flowing freely through Max's face, she crumples the letter and stuff it in her pocket with the picture, as she tries to get up she stumbles in something and falls flat on her back, she looks at the object and sees a shining beautiful statue, the Bast, she slowly and hesitatly gets it and place it in her pocket, gets up and leaves the penthouse. Outside she looks back and up to his apartment once again and feels tears building all over again, memories flash through her mind at light speed, touches, looks, conversations, every single thing she exchanged with Logan, every single minute she spent with him, she replayed through her mind with perfect clarity. She hits the gas of her bike and flies through the streets of Seattle, that now somehow looks darker and lonelier than before. 

Max parks her Ninja at the base of the Space Needle an in no time she is on the top, sitting at the edge reflecting about the past events.

//The ground looks so tempting from up here right now, I wonder if I shouldn't just forget it all and go join him, maybe on the otherside we will finally have the moment we so long wanted and waited, maybe there I will have another chance to fix the wrongs I did, to make up to him for everything I did. In the end that dream was really some kind of premonition, a way that the cruel reality and deadly truths found to come back  bite me in the ass, I was really the one that killed Logan even if I wasn't the one that pulled the trigger, I stayed away from him to avoid hurting him but I did just that staying away, lying and pushing him away just did the exact same thing I was trying to avoid. The worst thing is that he died without knowing how much I always loved him, how he was the one person that mattered the most to me, how I wasn't telling the truth about Alec, he never knew, and I won't have peace from now on. Ah, the irony, I did every possible thing to push him away, and now I did it...\\. The stress from the day finally catchs up with Max and she lies down to enter a dreamless slumber, without notcing or feeling the tall figurine watching her from far away...

**  
TBC...**

** *******

**OBS: **// \\ means Max's thoughts.****

**OBS2: **A lot of people must be hating me now, but please keep reading it, it's not and never will be M/A or anything else besides M/L, read it 'till the end I beg. And I appreciate and thanks all the great feedback I am getting, as long as I see people are enjoying I will post the chapters as fast as humanly possible, but if people don't review it will take more time, I won't stop posting 'cause I don't like unfinished bussiness and I won't leave people hanging even if they are few.****


	4. Cold World

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N: **I'm posting this chapter right away cause I kind of got a good amount of reviews, but they're dropping drastically from chapter to chapter I don't even have 30 reviews in 3 chapters. I'll try to keep posting every day so you guys don't have to wait to much but if I don't get a good number of reviews I will take longer to post 'em, I won't stop the fic never but it will take longer. Anyway, I think everybody must be wanting to choke me to death about now, but hold your energy, there's still much more to come and you guys will want to kill me even more painfuly.

Chapter 4: Cold World 

*****

            Max comes strolling through to door to her apartment, where Cindy is sitting nervously on the couch, cup of coffe in hand and foot tapping impatiently in the floor, as soon as she came through the door Original Cindy jumped to her feet and starts yelling questions and concerns at her, waving her arms in the air while she frenetically babbles all her worries, Max just pass through her and gets on her room slamming the door behind her, leaving a dumbfolded Cindy with arms hanging in the air. Max drops on her bed without stopping, her head buried on the pillow she starts to wonder why the world suddenly seens such a cold and unpleasant place, her will to live extinguished like a flame, she is leading a heartless and cold life. On the way back to the apartment, after spending the night up at the Space Needle, a guy almost ran over Max in her bike, she got out only because of her instincts, and she didn't even stop to see the guy, normally she would swear and curse him thousands of names, but not today, not now, she just walked away without a glance. Her surroundings are null and uninteresting, it's like she is surrounded in a bubble of darkness, trapped on her own cell, secluded from the rest of the world, suddenly she realizes someone has been knocking on the door. After the tenth knock Cindy decides to go in, she sees Max collapsed on the bed and says in her regular tone but kind of angry,

"Yo boo what the hell is happening, I was knocking on the door for ages, after you just strolled straight through me while I was dying of worry. Where were you this night? What the hell happened to you, you look like shit.",

Max turned around on the bed, now lying on her back and staring at the ceiling and repplied in a far away voice.

"I am sorry Cindy I wasn't listening.",

Cindy raises a skeptical eyebrow at her but shrugs it off and leaves saying,

"Aiight boo, I will leave ya to it."

Cindy returns to the living room and plop down on the couch flipping the TV on, wondering what bug bitted her roommate, her thoughts are disturbed when a special report interrupts the show airing, the paled face of a blond report appears on the screen,

This morning the journalist Logan Cale Junior, son of Logan Cale, heir of the Cale corporation was found dead in his penthouse apartment on Fogle Towers, a building on Sector 9. Investigations lead to the conclusion that it was a suicide, but no letter or  message was found on the scene.

The reporter keeps going talking about technical stuff and details about the episode while Cindy is wide eyed with her mouth hanging, she closes and opens it before finally a yell comes out – "OH MY GOD!!!MAAAAXXXX!!!!!!" – her urgent tone makes Max come running from her bed room, Cindy only weakly points to the tv set, where Max focus her attention, she sees a shot of Logan's building full of ambulances and news vans parked, Logan's apartment totally messed and then of a body covered in a white sheet being loaded in the back of  an ambulance. Cindy turns to her friend to look at her face and she still has the same gloom and lost face, with a barely audible whisper Max says,

"Yeah...I already know.",

with that she turns around and heads back to her room, but not before Cindy catches the glimpse of a lonely tear travelling down Max's eyes.

 *****

[_The next day_]

            Max gets inside Jam Pony in her bike more than one hour late, she comes to a stop in front of Normal's desk, who apparently is very pissed off,

"Oh, you finally decided to join us huh missy missy?!",

Normal said to her, his usual anal voice dripping with sarcasm,

"Don't bust my chops Normal, gimme some damn packages and get off my back so I can get the hell outta here!",

Max repplied with a raised voice but not really angry, actually with no emotion at all, empty and voided. Normal just groaned something and dumped a dozen packages on her waiting arms, Max stuffs them on her backpack and head to her locker. While Max is rummaging through her locker Alec approuches her and hesitantly says, 

"Eh...hum, Max, I heard about....what happened, so, hum, I am...eh...sorry you know.",

Max slowly turns her head to make eye contact with Alec, her eyes squeezed in a deadly look, the face Alec is making would even be funny with the circunstances were different, Max gets closer to him and says in a deadly low voice,

"Listen closely Alec. I just lost the person that knew me better, the most important thing on my strange little life, my best friend, and I'm killing myself with guilt and remorse, but you know what, it's not only my fault it's _yours_ too,_ you_ are the one that got on our path, _you _are the one that screwed over our best shot at a cure, _you _are the one that always got on our way so...get lost will ya!",

that said Max slams her locker strongly and goes away on her bike.

 *****

            Max gets inside Joshua's house after a long day of work, she made dozens of deliveries without stopping, she went to Jam Pony only twice the whole day and avoided every one, during the entire day she made the deliveries on auto-pilot, her mind was absence. Inside she finds Joshua busy painting on the corner, she goes to the big chair and plop down without a word, with the noisy Joshua turns around quickly and looks around, when he finally spots Max sitting on the chair a big smile opens on his lips,

"Hey there little fella.",

without even moving, still staring out the window Max repplies,

"Hey.",

Joshua shrugs and get back to his painting, after a long moment of silence he finally breaks it with his goofy and loud voice,

"So, virus bitch goin' down? Max and Logan gettin' busy, that's the plan!",

Max closes her eyes and take a deep breath, in a sad almost like whisper voice she repplies,

"There's no reason to beat the virus anymore Joshua, there won't be any getting busy...not ever.",

Joshua turns around and gets closer to Max, with a innocent voice he asks,

"Why? Logan and little fella give up?",

her jaw tight and her eyes closed max answers,

"No, because Logan is....dead.",

Joshua's happy face turns to a sad gloomy one, he approuches and sits next to Max on the floor, his head down. After a while Joshua raises his head and stares at Max, he kneels and envolves her in his big arms,

"That's okay little fella, let it all out, I'm here..."

Max is got by surprise with his actions, her first thoughts are to get away, to run from the house, to hide from the world, hide her weakness, her sadness, but then she remembers this is Joshua here, she feels safe and free here, it actually feels okay to let go now. The barrier is open, Max starts talking about everything, crying and sobbing all together.

            A lot of time later, Max is perched on the roof of Joshua's house, //Letting it go with Joshua made me some good, but I was silly, I thought crying would wash all my guilt, that this feeling of coldness and emptiness would flow away with the tears, but it won't, it never will...\\

**TBC...**

** *******

**OBS: **// \\ means Max's thoughts.

**OBS2: **There it's, chapter 4, not much happened but I think it was a very good and needed guilt trip for Max, as I said on the first chapter she needed a reality check for the things she did on S2.


	5. Implications Applied

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13**

****IMPORTANT NOTE**:** Well, thanks everyone that is reviewing I really appreciate that, doesn't matter what kind of review you write. To jade-angel, I can understand your thinking and feelings, I am not going to reveal anything about what is going to be how, just that it is indeed going to be a M/L (remember, it doesn't necessarily needs to be a "happy" ending.). And it's not that Logan would kill himself only because he lost Max, but because his life lost its meaning, he lost the will to live, on the S1 episode "Female Trouble", Logan would really have done it, he stoped not because some neighbor fell down, but because he realized that he still had some meaning in life, and that was Max, but now he lost that too, and added with all the troubles he already and still has, it happened. But I just ask you to keep reading it 'till the end and thanks for showing how you feel. And Whisper, about the M/A thing, you are allowed to write whenever you want to on your fanfics, but I just think that M/A is not a reality thing, you do have a point but not concerning that it could indeed became a M/A ROMANTIC thing, Alec was put there to show someone that's like Max but doesn't have the time out that she did, with a strong and closed personality so that we can see him becoming more and more open throughout the show 'till he can actually become the brother Max so much wants and that's why he is Ben's clone. 

Anyway wrote to much already,  here's chapter 5, for the ones that already hate me I warn, be prepared to hate me even more :D.

Chapter 5: Implications Applied 

*****

[_2 months later_]

Max is riding her bike through the streets of Seattle, package in hand heading towards its address, doing her every day job in auto-pilot. Two months has passed since her life has been turned upside down by the most tragic event. Her strange life got even more screwed up and Max got even more bitchy, her mood deteriorates more and more every passing day, if since she got back from Manticore she wasn't smiling much, now she is not smiling _ at all_. Max gets to a crowded part of the city, a lot of police officers are forming a barricade and dozens of citizens are around shouting and holding anti transgenics flags. Max approuchs the crowd and grabbing one of them tries to find what's going on. 

"What's going on around here?!"  
  


"A big furry creature got in the sewers, he has a blind girl as hostage.",

Max releases him and gets out of the crowd and whispers,

"Joshua..."

 *****

            Max is wandering through the sewers looking for Joshua, the place is packed with cops and Max had to hide several times. The sewers are huge and totally alike, Max has been wandering around for nearly one hour and no sign of Joshua, //Damn, I think I have already been here...no...I don't know, DAMN! This place is a freaking maze there's no way for me to guide myself in here. I would do anything for some kind of map...\\

Max spots a manhole and climbs it, she ends outside far away from the crowd, she starts walking towards to crowd, maybe find some way to move around the sewers and find Joshua, she stops dead on her tracks when a familiar voice calls her,

"Max wait up!",

she turns around and sees Alec running to her, his face is gloomy and sad, 

"Alec, I have to find some kind of map to the sewers, I wandered around that place for about one hour and found no sign of Joshua.",

Alec takes a few breaths and with a low sad voice says,

"Max...they took Joshua. I saw White dragging him outside and locking him in a van...",

"WHAT?!!Where did they take him....how long ago was that? We gotta help him!!"

Alec closed his eyes and dropped his head,

"I don't know Max, it was nearly twenty minutes ago that they took off, I wanted to do something Max i really did, but the place is crowing with civillians and cops and the van was scouted with dozens of police cars there's and there was no way I could follow it in my bike."

You can easily see that Max is both sad and mad and her stance is restless,

"Where did they take him?!! We will get him out!"

"I don't know Max, there's no way to know..."

Max lets a groan, turns around and starts running only screaming,

"Let's go, we gotta look out for the place they took him."

 *****

            Max and Alec are on Alec's place, on the desk a mess of papers as well as on the floor and the TV is on tunned on the TV channel, they are both searching madly through them for any kind of clue of Joshua's location, for nearly two hours they have talked to every possible person, looked into every imaginable location and now they are reading any kind of paper,  but it was usuless, they haven't find anything, not even a tiny clue. Suddenly their attention is caught by a special news report, both turn around and focus completely on the televion, a tall brunette reporter is standing on a plataform, next to her are a few suited man, one of them catches their attention...White. On the middle of the plataform is a big guy, his head covered in a black sack but it's obviously Joshua.

We're airing live to broadcast you the execution of the transgenic mutant that was arrested today on the sewers, he is charged on the murder of Annie Winston, a blind 22 years old girl. After a secred trial and lots of discussion and decision the mutant was sentenced to death, the sentence will be carried now.

Max and Alec's face turns pale and their mouth hang open, Max grips the table strongly almost breaking it. The camera focus on Joshua and only him, a big and strong guy goes to him and puts a rope around his neck, they count to five and suddenly the floor beneath Joshua's foot disappears and he falls down, the shock of his neck with the rope producing a sick sound of a breaking bone, a sound of death announing the end of a life...

A guy on a white coat, probably a doctor, approuches joshua and puts his finger on his neck, a few seconds and he nods, confirming his death. The camera focus once again on the journalist while people behind are working, she keeps on saying things about mutants and justice. Max gets out of her trance and chokes out,

"Oh...my...GOD!!",

she stumbles back a few steps and falls down on a chair burying her head on her hands,

"They...killed him.",

Alec whispers, everything looks like a joke, a sick joke. They remain silent for long minutes till Max's angry voice shatters the silence,

"It's my fault, it's all my fault. I wasn't able to get to him on time and I wasn't able to go rescue him, wherever he was. It's all my fault...",

"Don't go there Max! It's nobody's fault, you at least tried everything you could to help him, but it wasn't possible, we don't have the contacts, the equipment of the material for this kind of stuff. Don't blame yourself for this Max, 'cause it wasn't your fault, we did everything we could...",

Max takes a deep breath and gets up, she goes towards the door and opens it, but before getting out she puts her head down and whispers,

"I don't know, I hope I can believe that Alec...I hope.",

 *****

  [_Later that day_]

            Max is sitting on the roof of Joshua's house, or what used to be it. She has been on this house for the rest of the day, analyzing every single thing on the house, all of the things Joshua did, //This is awful, _I feel_ awful, my insides are being mowed by this sick feeling, guilty, sadness...I don't know. I should be crying, I should have cryed, but I didn't, the tears just don't come...\\

**TBC...**

 *****

**OBS: **// \\ means Max's thoughts

**OBS2: **So there it's, I hope at least a few enjoyed and that everyone send me a review either to praise or threathen me to death, whetever just write me :D. I hope everyone understood what was my message with this chapter, if you don't really get it write it on the review then I will explain on the next chapter.


	6. Lost Haven

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N:** I wanna thank everyone that is reviewing and about the writing thing I know that I have plenty of mistakes but it looks like my writing is ending up to be worst than I thought, english is not my language but I try to do the best using a dictionary while I write my stuff and all, about a beta, I don't have one and I know I could find one easy, but it's just that I don't really want to send my work to someone then wait this person to have some time to check it out, then do the corrections and then post, if I did that the chapters would be at _least_ one day late, and at least the stuff I read I prefer to get it earlier, but it could be only me, what I do is, I read the chapter twice before posting it and every mistake I get I correct but like I said, english is not my language so I'm not the best indication to correct it :D. So anyway everything I can do is apologize to everyone and ask for you guys to bear with me.

To Whisper: Actually my point in this fic is to show Max's life without Logan, on "Hello/Goodbye" she said that she did everything to push him away, so now I'm granting this wish to her :D. If you pay close attention you will see that I will point lots of things Logan always did, like when Max said "I would give anything for a map", are some hints for what Logan could do or did that without his help she is screwed :D.

Chapter 6: Lost Haven 

 *****

            [_4 ½ months since Logan's death_]

            On the top of the highest place on the city, stands a lone figurine, on the middle of a cold Seattle night, the wind blowing strong and icily but this person appears unaffect. Max stands on the top of the Space Needle, staring at the infinite nothing, //A lot of time has passed since my life crumbled down on my head, first I lost the love of my life and best friend,  the first and only human that truly understood and accepted me for who I am, then I lost Joshua, he was my responsability, I was the one that made him come out on the real world and I failed him. Now I understand why Logan was always so focused on his work, not only because he loved it, but because it helps numbing the pain. Since Joshua died I have been doing that a lot, my life resumes to work, space needle and home, at least Normal is getting something from this, I go to work earlier than everybody else, gets a whole bunch of packets and spends the whole day delivering 'em. Original Cindy is always on my back telling me to go have fun, go to Crash and all, but the few times I went I was a pain in the ass for everybody, so I just don't go. Alec has been trying to get closer to me, talk to me and help, I appreciate it  but I just don't feel like it, I prefer being alone, nothing and no one could help me...\\

 *****

"So this is where the mouse is hidding...",

White is sitting with a group of six suited men around a round table, sprawled on it is a big map, a spot on the map marked with a red circle,

  
"Yes sir, we have been able to gather information that this is the location of the transgenics headquarters." – one of the suited men said,

"Have you done recon yet?" – White asked,

"Yes sir, recon was done and revealed a large quantity of transgenics, specially the mutant ones, they don't have very soshisticated weaponry nor any kind of equipment, the facility is pretty chaotic, but we have to consider that they are highly trained military personnel." – another man responded,

White stops for a minute deep in thought and then says,

"Very well, let's avoid direct contact, it could bring unnecessary attention, utilize course of action number 1666.",

everyone around the table jumps in surprise, one of them gets out of the shock and asks with certain difficulty,

"Sir, are you sure...If we proceed with this plan anyone with the right skills and equipment will be able to know.",

White stands up and with a grin answers,

"Yes. I highly doubt that those filthy transgenics are smart and skillful enough with computers or even have the top quality and very expensive computer hardware necessary to blow our operation. Proceed with the order, action is to be activated by 1500 hours.",

everybody stand up, nod and then leave, White is left behind with a evil grin on his

face.

 *****

Max is sitting on a bench in a isolated area of Jam Pony, half of her day has gone by, now it's around three o' clock and Max is taking a short and rare break before resuming the deliveries. Her rest is interrupted by Alec screaming,

"Max hurry here, you gotta see this!!",

Max considers ignoring him, but by the tone of his voice it must be important so she decides to go. The whole Jam Pony crew is gathered around the tv monitor where Alec is calling her, every pair of eyes is glued to the monitor and everybody is in utter silence, she approaches Alec and asks what he wants, he just points to the TV. Max focus her attention on the televion and what she sees and hears make her heart stops a beat,

...authorities revealed that the cause of the explosion was accidental, probably a gas leak. So I repeat, we are here broadcasting to you live from sector 12 where a whole sector was blown up, the place known as "Terminal City", exploded minutes ago, the numbers of persons on the location at the time of the accident as well as the number of victims is unknown, but it looks like the whole sector will be in ruins.

Max turns to look at Alec and they exchange one look before hurrying out on their bikes at top speed.

Max and Alec gets to the entrance of Terminal City where a big crowd is gathered behind the barricade. Up ahead the whole sector is just a big pile of debris and there's still flames alive.

"Okay we're going in, let's split up and cover as much ground as possible looking for any survivors, don't get spotted!",

Max says before taking off on her bike. 

 *****

            Max is slowly walking through Terminal City, more likely through the _ruins_ of Terminal City. The whole place is down, the few buildings that are half up are falling down slowly, there's still quite a few spots of fire burning. In her search of any survivor Max only found hundreds of corpses, people burned so badly that they're irrecognizable, and there must be other hundreds of dead, the ones that were carbonized and will never be found. Suddenly Max stops dead on her tracks and focus her listening, she manages to listen it again, a very low, faint...moan. Max searches every place with her eyes and finds nothing, on a second check she manages to pick up a form trapped beneath piles of debris, she approaches and kneels down, removing a block she manages to make out a person, severely burned. 

"...M...Max...",

the person manages to choke out. Max recognizes the voice and says,

"Mole....is it really you Mole.",

"Yeah...I think...I must not be...very pretty huh...", 

"But how...what happened...?"

"I don't know...I..I went out to smoke...and suddenly everything went to hell...it was no accident...",

Mole lets out a moan of pain and closes his eyes, Max gets closer and screams,

"Hang on Mole, I'm going to get you outta here, hang on!",

"Ugh...there's...no time....get out...while you....can. . .",

are his last whispers before life finally leaves his body.

 *****

            Max is sitting on the top of the space needle, hugging her knees close rocking back and forth, 

//Another tragedy to add to my screwed up life. White has managed to whipe out a whole bunch of people I cared, a whole sector of them, maybe his personal mission is to screw up my life little by little, they say it was an accident, but I know better...

It feels like my life crumbled down just like Terminal City did, but a few months ago. I'm devoided of any feeling but the constant nudgning of this awful mix of bad feelings. Maybe I should just leave this city for good, after all there isn't very much left for me here, maybe if I leave I can forget all this shit happened, avoid all the bad memories or worst, the good memories that reminds me that once I had a good life that crumbled down..."

**TBC...**

  *****

**OBS:** // \\ are Max's thoughts


	7. Final Blow

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N**: I really wanna thank you guys **very much **for all the kind reviews, you people are way too kind :P, this way you will boost my ego, but in no way stop :D. 

Chapter 7: The Final Blow 

 *****

            [_6 months since Logan's death_]

            Riding through the streets of Seattle is a very distracted Max, delivering her daily packages, people and obstacles are avoided by pure instincts while her mind wanders through her memories. Since Terminal City was blown up Max thought about skipping Seattle for good, but she decided that if she did that White would win and she couldn't allow that, Original Cindy was a factor too, she was another human that knew her and nowadays she has been a great help to Max, keeping her sane. Max and Alec as well as all the transgenics that work at Jam Pony (the ones that weren't killed on the explosion at Terminal City), are keeping a low profile to keep White off their back, but Max can't help but feel that something is going to go down, //And these freaking runes keep showing up at my freak show of a body and I have no idea of their meaning and it looks like there's no way I am gonna find out...\\

            While passing through a store, something on the TV catches her attention, a very familiar set of blue eyes, so long gone that looks like a legend, Max stops in front of the TV  set and focus her attention, it's a report about Eyes Only, on the top left side of the screen is a picture of the Eyes Only logo and a message over it "Eyes Only dead?", 

...more than six months has passed since the last Eyes Only report, what happened to Seattle's peacekeeper cyber hack journalist? That's the question that many citizens have been asking. Since people started to miss Eyes Only and rumors of his extinction came to surface, Seattle's crime rate increased 75%. It looks like all the bad guys decided to come up now that Eyes Only does not make any more appearances. If Eyes Only is indeed dead, than it seens the bad guys at Seattle will have free ruin over the city once again and the citizens will be in a even worst condition...

Max watches the report with full attention and every word of the reporter ripes open barely closed wounds, making Max realizes how much she misses him and apparently, it's not only her...

 *****

            Trough a manhole, three cloaked guys comes out and quickly starts walking with hurry, using the shadows as shield. Passing through a straight street two guys crash with them and one of the group's cloak falls down revealing his unusual face, a mutant with lizard-like features. The two guys freak out and charge the three transgenics which run as fast as possible. They manage to get the two humans behind as they take a turn on a corner, ending up on a street with too much movement they get inside the first open building they find, a place named Jam Pony.

"Hurry, close and lock the door!" – says the lizard guy as they get inside. 

Another guy that takes his hood off and reveals his snake face approaches one of Jam Pony's worker, puts a knife on his throat and screams,

"Okay nobody moves!! This is a hostage situation!",

a big commotion falls upon Jam Pony and Alec who is next to his locker buries his head on his arm and whispers,

 "Oh my god, here we go."

 *****

"Place snipers around the whole building, I don't want a single soul out of that place!!",

White's angry voice comes through the phone. The hostage situation is already all over the news and White's people of course came up with a plan to deal with the situation,

"Yes sir, snipers team is already on the way. Do you give the green light to eliminate any and every form of movement inside the building?",

the agent on the phone repplies for which White says,

"Negative! Let the police deals with the situation for now, hold position 'till they leave the building and then fire at will.",

  
"But sir, what if they have someone on the outside and we are spotted?",

"Well, so you will have to make sure not to be spotted but I don't think they have.",

the agent sighs and nods,

"Very well sir.",

"Agent. Don't fail me, I want every transgenic dead!" – White says before hanging up with a smik of victory on his face. 

 *****

            Max also gets to know about the situation at Jam Pony and as fast as she manages she heads to Jam Pony, there she finds the whole place surrounded by dozens of police officers and hundreds of people. The front entrance not being an option Max heads to the top of the building across the street, there she spots a hoverdome and when it gets on the right position she hops on it and rides it through a window to the inside of Jam Pony. 

"Okay people...let's negotiate."

 *****

"Okay everyone, there's a bus parked outside waiting for us to get the hell outta here, use the people as shields and they won't shoot at us, let's go.",

Max says to the crowd, a mix of mutants, X series and ordinaries.

"They saw you, boo--flyin' right over their heads. I got you.",

Original Cindy says approuching Max. Max only nods and puts her arm around her. All the other transgenics get someone as shield. One of the mutants uses Alec, another one gets Sketchy and the last one Normal, Max got OC and a couple other X series got some employee. 

            Slowly the group walks outside, led by one mutant and Alec. As they walk around the front of the bus, headed for its door, White who is standing on the middle of the crowd says over his radio to the snipers.

 "Take the shot.",

as the order is out all the snipers take several shots. Just as Max's hears the first gunshot the action seens to unfold on slowmotion and she manages the watch with perfect clarity the snipers on the building across the street firing the deadly projectiles, and watch its course 'till it hits its target, the first one hitting Alec square on the chest making him fall to his knees, the second bullet hitting Original Cindy, who was using her own body to cover Max, deadly on the middle of the forehead, and the third piercing right through Sketchy's skull. As the snipers were shooting the police mistook the shoots for enemy fire and begins to fire their weapons, turning the episode into a massacre. Max takes a dive and roll on the ground to escape the several bullets travelling through the air, she lands near Alec who is crouching down with his hand on his chest trying in vain to hold the immense flow of blood,

"Alec! Oh my god, Alec, come on we gotta get outta here.",

Max screams to make herself audible through the loud sound of machine guns being fired. Alec with a tremendous effort manages to choke out,

"No Max...you get out. There's no hope for me...for any of us, take a look...around, Max...there's...nothing left....save....your...self...",

with that he collapses to the ground with a last moan of pain before leaving this world. Max takes a look around and sees OC and Sketchy down, dead with the first shot, Normal and one of the X series with severe enjuries, just suffering before the cold death finally embraces them, and the three mutants, the main target of all the shots, totally desfigurated by dozens of shots through their entire bodies. The cruel reality finally sunk in on Max and she realizes that really there's nothing left, so with her enhanced skills she manages to leave the scene unseen, leaving behind the lifeless shells of the last of her friends...

 *****

Max sought reefuge on the last safe place known to her, the top of the Space Needle, there she allows herself to go over the events of this most tragedy day, losing only to the fateful day that her life began to crumble, the day she lost him...//Once again my life managed to get even more screwed up, in fact, I think now it's totally screwed up, after all there's nothing left for me to lose, nothing worst could ever happen to screw my life even more. If there's indeed someone up there with some higher power that controls our life, this someone is evil and sadistic, 'cause it looks like losing my important ones is not enough, I have to feel guilty in every single tragedy. Today for once, while everyone was being shoot down to death I was fleeing, running from danger like a chicken... Maybe this is all some kind of divine punishment for the things I did, maybe I deserve to live the rest of my life like this, haunted by the death of everyone I once cared, involved by loneless and burdened with this heavy guilty...for eternity.\\

**TBC...**

 *****

**OBS:** between // \\ are Max's thoughts.

**OBS2:** Okay so I think next chapter is the final one, be ready for surprises, you may think that nothing more can go wrong but you may be wrong, or maybe what seens bad may be good...who knows? :D


	8. Back from the dead?

**Life without him**

**Disclaimer:** This is tiresome, everybody already knows that I don't own DA or its characters.

**Summary:** After the events in "Hello/Goodbye", Max's wish is granted and she gets to taste life without Logan.

**Rating: ****PG-13******

**A/N:** Okay, so here's the 8th and final chapter of my very dark fic, this chapter is very risky, it will definitely settle your opinion about my fic, some may think it's a perfect end while others will think the end screwed the whole fic, let's see. I want to thank every one that remained with me throughout the entire fic and reviewed. I hope the fic doesn't die after I stop posting and other people who haven't read yet may come to read in the future. So thanks everyone, thanks for reading.

To Giuliana: I'm from Brazil! J

Chapter 8: Back from the dead? 

 *****

            [_1 year since Logan's death_]

            //Seattle...the city where I lived the best and worst periodes of my whole life. Manticore? Nah, it wasn't even near. Back at Manticore I was still a child so I had no idea of what I was missing, how other people lived or anything so I didn't suffer as much as I could, but the things that happened this last year here in Seattle were the worst possible. After years in a life of running from place to place, never getting attached to anyone or anything I finally found a place where I could stay put, I found a job, a place to crash, very loyal friends and the most important people in my life...I found it all here, but just to lose everything in a period of six doomed months, the trigger was the death of the love of my life, my most cared and important person ...Logan.

            After the massacre at Jam Pony I finally decided to leave this town, I just couldn't take it any longer, all the memories from the "past" life, a life where I could at least smile, a life that I could call good. I had nothing left here only memories and those hurt to much to relieve, so I left. For another six months in stayed on the run, going from place to place just like I used to, at least some good came from that, I got to know lots of new places, mostly I stayed on Canada, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Toronto, Quebec, never spending more than one month on each. Then I made my way back to Seattle stopping only barely on the way, and here I am once again, back to this place who will forever be encraved on the history of my life. Why am I back? I don't really know, one day I just woke up and needed to come back, the irony is that coincidently I got here just on the exact day Logan died one year ago...\\

            Max is driving through the dark and cold streets of Seattle on her new ninja 1200. The night suits her mood, dark, cold and gloomy, with a light rain giving a nice touch. Every street she pass, every corner she turns, every place she goes a picture flashes her memory, so different from her actual reality that looks unbelievable, something that happened on another life. During these six months Max has been running around, White managed to eliminate lots of transgenics, the mutants are nearly exticts, but somehow Max stopped caring, she dropped the responsability and began to look after herself and herself only. 

            Passing through the streets she sees lots of posters and graffitis about Eyes Only, it looks like things got really tough around here without him but maybe that's because people are spoiled from the long time Eyes Only was there to look after them and now that he is not anymore it takes time to get used to life without him once again. 

            Max finds herself heading towards the space needle, she parks at the base and quickly makes her way to the top, there on the highest point of the city she finds the privace and security to say out loud all her thoughts,

"Sometimes it seems like it happened to someone else—like maybe it was a story I heard. Even though I know what happened, sometimes I can't help feeling that he is not really gone, that he is still out there...somewhere..."

She says in a far away voice and a lonely tear slides down Max's cheek. Just when she is about to drown herself on the memory land once again a familiar voice startles her, a soft and calming voice that for what she knows shouldn't be heard ever again,

"Ah the irony...I once said the same thing, two years ago, when you "died"."

Max slowly turns around afraid of the reality, that she won't find anything behind her and that this voice is just a product of her mind, but as she turn around she is utterly surprised, there stands someone she thought she would never see again, with the same pair of brilliant and gorgeous blue eyes...Logan.

"And you know, just like before, you ended up not being dead...",

Max's brain is on overload, unable to form any kind of noise she stands there completely still with her mouth hanging open and her brown eyes wide open,

"Don't worry Max, you are not dreaming, nor you are crazy, I'm no illusion I'm really here."

Logan says in a calm voice taking a few steps closer, but still Max remains like that, and like that they stay for long moments, both staring deeply into each other eyes, Max looking for the reality of the situation and Logan looking into Max's souls trying to know her feelings. Finally, feeling able to form some coherent sentence Max says,

"But what....how...when...?"

Logan diverts his fixed gaze on Max's eyes and stares at the floor then says sadly,

"Of course, I knew you would want to know... The truth Max, is that I was never dead, I never killed myself." – Logan takes a quick look at Max to watch her reaction and there she stands with no apparent change, only that now her complete attention is focused at him. – "The body you found wasn't me Max, just someone that fits my characteristics." – he stops for a moment and takes a deep breath, staring at the dark infinite in front of him for a moment before continuing. – "Why I did that you must want to know. That's quite simple Max...anger and sadness. After you said that you and Alec were together I was in a pretty chaotic state, for nearly a week I did nothing but drink like crazy, torturing myself with questions like "Why?","How long?", "How could she?", and others, 'till one day while I was looking at your picture I finally realized I had nothing left, there was no reason left for me to live, so I seriously though about killing myself, I almost did, I would really have done it, I had the gun loaded and pointed at my head, but in the last second just before I finished pulling the trigger something came to my mind, if I did that what would really change? Nothing. And after all, death is something so definitive. So I had a plan. I got a body just like me at the morgue, wrote the letter and left him there, deleted the informant net and disappeared. The letter was real Max, I meant everything I wrote there, I meant the whole action, that was my desire...to kill myself. But for some reason I just couldn't so I did that but only not with my body, theoretically Logan Cale is dead for everyone."

The whole story was told in a sad far away voice, Logan not once stared Max in the eye and she listened to him attentionaly. Once he finished they remained silence for minutes, Logan's story sinking in on Max 'till she whispered,

"But why...how could you?",

Logan turns his back to her and with a voice mixed with anger and sadness says,

"Why Max?! My life was ruined, I lost the only remaining important thing on my life, you were the reason I woke up in the morning, you were the reason I kept fighting, I kept trying to overcame everything my life threw at me, all the obstacles we had, you were the reason I kept with my endless crusade to save this broken world...you Max, you. But then the only and most important thing on my life, you, left me, and that was my breaking point, added with all the screwed up things on my life, that was the trigger to send everything crashing down, and I wanted to hurt you, to make you suffer, like you did to me...",

A mix of feelings clouds Max's mind, relief and joy from seeing him alive, guilty from doing that to him, sadness from their situation, anger for what he did and something much stronger, the strongest feeling she ever experienced, and something exclusive to this man and only him...love.

"What you did Logan...was awful...you are not right and never will be, but I can understand your reasons, I can understand and I am sorry I truly am, but I have to confess that there was never something between me and Alec, I did what I did because I wanted to keep you away, because I couldn't stand having you by my side but unable to touch, to see you suffer for me and because of me, I didn't want to hurt you anymore...",

Max couldn't see but Logan's face fell in surprise and shock, her revelation hitting him hard, after a few seconds and deep breaths to recompose he repplied trying to sound casual,

"I see...well Max, you succeded. I'm also not going to find excuses for what I did because at the moment I really wanted to do that and I did it with conscience, or take my actions back because that's not possible, what's done is done. And I can't help but feel relieved with what you said, but nevertheless you lied to me.",

he turns around and their eyes finally met, blue and brown clashing and mixing together, souls being shared with looks, 'till Max says with a smirk.

"Well, then I guess we are even.... So tell me, what have you been up to this past year?",

Logan manages to curve the side of his lip into a tiny smile and answers,

"Well, I went to Tokyo to cool down. There I found the doctor Vertes indicated, still with Joshua's blood from the transfusion he managed to stop the rejection, and after four months of treatment the spinal damage was completely healed so I fully recovered all my movements." – Max takes a slightly look at his legs and the fact that he is _standing_ finally sinks in – "Also, taking advantage of the hyper-charged Manticore blood the doctor managed to do his magic and make sure that a particular nasty bug wouldn't be a problem any longer.",

Max's eyes glow with contentment but her face is a mask of calm, and with equal false calmness she answers,

"So...we can touch?",

as an answer she receives a slight nod from Logan as he takes a few steps and extends his hands. Max remains still for a few moments before tentatively reaching for Logan's hand, at the first touch Max holds her breath, only releasing after minutes of stillness and nothing happening to Logan, and then opening a broad smile, the first one in more than a year. 

"Logan...do you...do you think we can start over?",

Logan grips her hand tight and smiles,

"So Max, as I'm dead here and I plan to stay that way, I was thinking that maybe we could go to Tokyo, after all I lived the last year there...", 

Max pulls him and together they start todescend the space needle, hands linked tightly together and light smiles on both their faces, two people that were denied the simple previlege of touching for more than two years and were deprived of the ability of smiling, now will take fully advantage of the possibility of doing both...//Things are far from perfect and rough paths will always appear, but now I really am aware that with him anything and everything is possible, with him by my side I can overcome any obstacle. After all I can see a warm light on the end of this dark tunnel that is my life. And just as he said...I will love him forever.\\

                                    **                THE END**

 *****

**OBS:** between // \\ are Max's thoughts.

**A/N2: **So there it is, the conclusion to my dark and cruel fic, I hope everyone enjoyed my torture and especially my conclusion, it's not quite a happy end 'cause it wouldn't fit, but certainly is M/L. Please I would really like to know what you all thought about my ending, and if you have any question or doubt don't hesitate to write me an e-mail. And once again, thanks for reading.


End file.
